I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who died my cat blue again?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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