I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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