I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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