some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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