i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
