i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
