so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm always down for nudity.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
