your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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