I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize