so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This baby is an asshole
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
