Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
