So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
