Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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