My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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