she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
