just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
