this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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