i can't believe i had my finger in that
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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