All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
