You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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