I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just tell him i said nine months
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
