I'm eating all of the evidence.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
