I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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