he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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