the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
