question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
