i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
