You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
