True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
