There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
