I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
