I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
