I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
