if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize