if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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