She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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