Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
