Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
