I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
