I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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