Screwed.edu
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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