Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
