you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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