Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
