either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
