I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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