Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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