then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
