life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i've created a new STD.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
