I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize