I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im about as happy as oj after his trial
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
