i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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