Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
