is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
