I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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