Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
