Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
