I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
