the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
