You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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