Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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