I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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