i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
