Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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