Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
