well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
