Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
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