she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
