just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
