so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
