if i can run in heels then i can drive
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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