It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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