Pappa wants mamma naked
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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