soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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