Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
