cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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