I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please come you make the beer taste better
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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