I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
