whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
