Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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