I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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