I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
