'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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