Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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