Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
