I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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