We're facebook friends in real life
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
