I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
