i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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