Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
