I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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