I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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