Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
