haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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