hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
