Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize