he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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