hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
