Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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