just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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