My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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