sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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